Stay Positive!

Even with the best of plans and intentions, things may go wrong. That is when we most need to stay positive. ~ Dr. Angi K. Orobko

You can only control how you will act and react to your circumstances. I am a co-chairperson to a library charity event that is coming to fruition tomorrow and Sunday. I carefully laid out a timeline and contacted everyone I needed to contact, getting confirmations and clarity. Unfortunately, a few challenges presented themselves yesterday and today. One involved a community announcement in the newspaper, which as abbreviated to the point of misleading the public to where the our library charity event will take place.

This morning, we were challenged by the weather. The rain made it difficult to set up our tent. We were, also suppose to get 7 to 8 tables for our event. The coordinators involved in getting us tables had documented that we only needed 3. This came as a surprise to me. I had to stay positive so we could work through this challenge. Between the coordinators and my team of wonderful volunteers, we came up an amicable solution. Stay positive and not blaming anyone helped to eliminate this challenge.

Attitude is everything when faced with negative situation. Keeping level-headed and positive allowed everyone involved to think clearly to co-create a solution. Negative emotions would have only muddled the situation dispensing energies that could have otherwise been put to good use. This morning, I had to remind myself, that the situation was beyond my control, but my reaction to it is not. I asked myself, what will get me more tables, smiles or frowns? Smiles won.

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Get Involved, Use Loving Words, Be Kind…

When I see injustice, bullying, negative behaviors, I try to get involved, use loving words and behave kindly in the situation. If I don’t get involved, then I am contributing to the victimization of another sentient being. That would be UNACCEPTABLE! If I am being bullied, I will NOT allow the words to hurt me! Nor, will I lash back with unkindness. When others are unkind to me I either ignore it and pretend I did not hear it; or, I will smile, because I know the bullying behavior is the other person’s issue, not mine. Their current negative state of mind does not have to affect me. I know in my heart that they are better than that.

I have survived bullying much of my life especially in school! It has actually made be more resilient, which I contribute to my loving family. Yes, I have had thoughts in my youth of not wanting to go on in order to avoid the hurt; but, I had such a wonderful support system at home and outside of school with community theater and the performing arts, I had no time to let the hurt fester.

Yes, I wanted so much to be loved and accepted at school. I wanted a boyfriend. I felt awkward and left out at times, but I had so many extracurricular activities and academic endeavors to keep me occupied. I was involved in so much. As an adult, I see that these hurtful experiences were not unique to me. Many of my peers had similar bullying situations in their lives; furthermore, these experiences gave me insight and empathy for others.

Should we condemn bullies. No! We can only disallow the behavior of bullying. Many bullies were bullied! To end bullying, we need to create a loving and kind community, school, and environment that does not support negativity.We need to bring attention to the positive in our lives and environment.

Each of us need to be a role model and set the tone. We need to act kindly and loving to one another. We need to engage others with love and compassion whenever possible. This means, blessing drivers who cut you off in traffic, engaging every person with a smile and kindness even when we have a complaint.

Even in our own homes, when watching television especially if we have children in our households, we need to avoid negative comments; and not call a commentator, a newscaster, a political candidate anything negative aloud. Remember the walls have ears. If we cannot say something positive, constructive or helpful, we need not say anything at all.

When I am in a lower emotional state, this can be hard for me. I know the more I deliberately practice love, kindness and compassion, the easier it is for me to be love for others. I believe we all can work together to make our world more loving and positive; and, the more I stay positive, the more positive I find in the world. Let us all, get INVOLVED, use LOVING WORDS, and be KIND; I have FAITH in you! May love and kindness fill your heart at this moment and inspire you to inspire others.

 

 

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Identifying Social Styles of Others

Each social style expresses distinct behaviors that can be easily identified. Common behaviors of each social style will be listed below. Use these lists to guide you in identifying the social styles of others in your life. You will see overlapping behaviors as these behaviors are not necessarily unique to just one social style. (Note: This is based on the book “How to Deal with Annoying People” by Bob Phillips and Kimberly Alyn).

Alphas (Thinkers):

• Think before they speak
• Talk softly and slowly
• Eat slowly
• Perform tasks with reflection or careful consideration
• Follow instructions
• Thrive on facts
• Enjoy details
• Display good manners
• Dress conservatively
• Are on time or early
• Do not display emotion
• Make mindful decisions
• Are private
• Can be overly critical
• Stay extremely focused
• Want things done correctly the first time
• Stay organized
• Examine all possible alternatives
• Play the devil’s advocate
• Are “letter of the law” people
• Can be rigid, inflexible or stubborn
• Are very responsible
• Like planning
• Can be nagging
• Can be narrow-minded

Betas (Doers):

• Speak before they think
• Talk quickly and boldly
• Eat quickly
• Can perform many tasks at once
• Can be insensitive
• Make direct eye contact
• Dislike details
• Tend to intimidate people
• Are on time or early
• Do not display emotion
• Make quick decisions
• Like to lead
• Can overpower people
• Are fearless
• Do not like chitchat
• Possess high energy
• Dress powerfully
• Are opinionated
• Can be stubborn or obstinate
• Face conflict head-on
• Are impatient
• Despise excuses
• Can be intolerant
• Appear arrogant
• Very assertive; can be belligerent
• Show great initiative
• Very confident
• Have tremendous willpower
• Work at top speed
• Sarcastic

Gammas (Sociables):

• Speak with a friendly tone
• Talk softly and slowly
• Are great listeners
• Like to please people
• Prefer to follow
• Like to volunteer
• Dislike conflict
• Are very courteous
• Avoid decisions
• Seek approval
• Are very humble
• Possess extreme patience
• Avoid attention
• Encourage people
• Are generous and giving
• Can make excuses
• Are very cooperative
• Do not like criticism
• Are very likeable
• Can be insecure
• Can be overly dependent
• Move slowly (on things)
• Can be overly sensitive
• Are not assertive
• Display loyalty
• Are diplomatic
• Value cooperation
• Put people before tasks
• Show compassion
• Tend to procrastinate

Deltas (Thespians):

• Speak before they think
• Talk quickly and loudly
• Eat quickly
• Are visionaries (dreamers)
• Adapt to anything
• Are overly relaxed about time
• Can be undisciplined
• Are big risk-takers
• Have a hard time following through
• Dress uniquely
• Have short attention spans
• Unpredictable
• Love spontaneity
• Are very enthusiastic
• Highly energetic
• Love to talk
• Dismiss what other people think
• Tell it like it is
• Dislike details
• Like to socialize
• Are creative and imaginative
• Are outspoken and outgoing
• Can be rebellious
• Motivate and inspire people
• Possess flexibility
• Prone to exaggeration
• Lack focus
• Have a great sense of humor
• Dislike rules

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Chutzpah

I want to write about determination; more specifically, chutzpah. Chutzpah is having the nerve or backbone to stand up to an issue or someone whether you are justified or not. It is that determination, passion and drive that sets you apart from others. Other words for chutzpah are: cheekiness, insolence, impertinence, impudence, crust, freshness, gall, utter nerve, shameless audacity, effrontery. The word has also been able to be interpreted as meaning the amount of spunk or ability that an individual has. In more traditional usage, chutzpah is invariably negative; but, I want to address the positiveness of having that ability to be outwardly confident and assertive. It takes a certain amount of chutzpah or spunk or assertiveness to rattle the chains of the establishment. Particularly those in regards to bullying.

There are still many out there who believe that children just need to grin and bear the brunt of teasing, but to what level. How far must they keep taking it and bone up? Those ears still hear the negative words, which will keep playing out in the mind of a child. Sure, maybe as an adult we can more easily shrug it off, but children are so eager to please and need to be praised and valued.

Through being valued, they will value others. There is already too many other negative events that children are exposed to daily. They do not need to be affronted by teasing, taunting, and name-calling. They certainly do not need to be violently assaulted with physical contact or objects. Why are children so bold as to feel it is permissible to put down others and to even assault another peer? Where are children picking up the idea that it is okay to be mean? Children are great observers. They watch adults do it. And, they watch adults turning the other way when children engage in the teasing, taunting and other forms of bullying. So, bullying behaviors become acceptable in the minds of children. Would you say that bullies have chutzpah? Eh, maybe.

I certainly feel that those who are willing to stand up to any injustices in this world do have chutzpah. It takes a certain amount of spunk to stand up to a bullying punk. When a child shows spunk, then bullies no longer have the power to affect the former victim. I would love to see everyone who cares anything about children (as well as adults) create environments where bullying is simply no longer effective. It would be rendered powerless if we provide a climate where bullying simply has no use or place. If the environment is warm, you no longer need to wear a coat. Right?

How do we create a climate where bullying is no longer “needed” or “useful”? We create learning, teaching and work environments where love and kindness are readily acceptable and recognized behaviors. In those places where love and kindness is appreciated, you will see love and kindness appreciate in value. Who doesn’t like being praised. We are all eager to please and be pleasing when the environment in which we are makes it acceptable and valued. Smiles beget smiles. Kind words begets kind words. Loving gestures beget loving gestures. All these positive behaviors are passed forward to the next person. Children WILL pick up on this and they will imitate it.

I think it takes a lot of chutzpah to get that type of campaign rolling. I am willing and ready to take the steps toward that one blog at a time; one person at a time; one smile at a time; one loving and kind gesture at a time. Each time I put myself out in my community to be helpful, caring , loving and kind, I am making our world that much better with chutzpah and determination.