Grateful for Choice (TY-32)

I am profoundly grateful for choice. Did you know that a person always has a choice in anything, whether one chooses to see it that way or not? Choice is defined as a thought process of judging the merits, worthiness or quality of multiple options and selecting one of them. Funny thing is that every person always has at least two choices: to act or not to act on any given issue or situation. The challenge lies in seeing the choices when one is feeling stuck. Other challenges with choices include having to make a hasty decision and fear of making a choice because of possible unpleasant outcomes.

How can one work through the challenges surrounding choices? One obvious solution is for a person to decide NOT to choose, select, decide or opt at that given moment. A person has the choice to sit with his or her selections in order to weigh his or her options until he or she can make the best choice for his or her situation.

How does a person find more choices? An individual will need to take a broad look and view his or her situation from a different perspective in order to see more choices. It is only then these selections become apparent. Case in point, one is challenged with a new policy at work with which he or she does not agree. Most would see as having no choice.

There are actually multiple choices presented here: 1) comply with the new policy; 2) ignore the policy, apologize and face the consequence; 3) speak with the policy-makers and see if the policy can be amended; 4) seek supporters against the policy and file a petition; 5) seek new employment and resign with a two weeks notice. After stepping away from the issue or challenge where one feels he or she has no choice, many apparent options begin to emerge and present themselves when one uses his or her objective lens.

Sometimes a person just needs to have faith that he or she will be making the right decision. One needs to face his or her fear of the outcome, take the risk and make a selection. Examining the worst case scenario and deciding that it is not so bad after all can be an excellent way to decide and choose. I deeply appreciate choice and having the wisdom to see the multiple choices I have in my life.

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This or That?

What expression do you identify more with: ”Nothing ventured, nothing gained”; or, ”only fools rush in?” Are you one that looks before you leap, or do you feel those who hesitate is lost? Do you plan for the future or do you live for today? Do you feel too many cooks spoil the broth? Or, do you feel many hands make light work?

There are many conflicting sayings and expressions that many identify with depending on the circumstances. It truly depends on the situation for most. Sometimes I feel I should take the risk and venture into certain things; other times I feel it would be foolish to rush into it. Sometimes I prefer teamwork, especially during projects that need input, brainstorming and creativity flow; and, other times, I prefer to work independently especially when I have a deadline to meet and time becomes a factor.

With all the social styles and personality generalities that are out there, most of us are a blending of them. By taking the time to ask yourself why you feel or act a certain way will give you an insight and new perspective into yourself. How do you check-in with yourself? How do you weigh your choices? Or, do you simply act now and ask questions later? Does it depend on the situation? Do you act differently at work than at a social gathering? Food for thought, maybe? I encourage you to be patient with yourself and with others as each of us value things differently and it will vary from one situation to another. Tomorrow I plan to explore the topic of “INNER WISDOM.”

Love is a Fire…

Joan Crawford stated, “Love is a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.”

I beg to differ. While I believe love to be a powerful emotion not unlike fire, I also believe we have a choice, where emotions are concerned. Yes, it takes a certain amount of self-discipline to not get caught up in our stronger emotions, but we are most certainly the captain of our own hearts. In February of last year I went into detail about 3 types of love (agape, philia and eros). Agape love is the purest and unconditional form of love.

Agape love would never burn down your house; however, conditional love does have the potential to hurt your partner, your family and yourself. Love with attachment to characteristics, physical traits, events and other circumstances is seemingly destined to “burn down your house”. The good news is that all you need to do is to make a mind shift and change your perspective. Love and appreciate yourself and your loved ones for who they are. Let go of the conditions and release the circumstances, which are temporary.

When you are disappointed or upset with yourself or your loved ones, examine carefully why you feel that way. In the grander scheme of life, does the circumstance of that moment really matter. So what, you or your loved one made a poor decision, or did something seemingly embarrassing, or fill-in-the-blank… when you truly love yourself and family unconditionally, the hiccups, mistakes, embarrassments, obstacles do not matter. Your house does not have to burn down. Open up your heart and communication with your loved ones. When you are ready to forgive the momentary lapse of reasons (your own as well as others), you will feel a huge uplifting. You will breathe easier and find joy.

Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Let me add my own quote, “Love is a light that ignites the hearts of others while maintaining a spark in your own.” When you can say, “I love you” to others and truly mean it without conditions and attachments, you WILL feel joy. It give me great delight to express my love to each person who reads my article today. I deeply appreciate and love you! Happy New Year and Happy New Life!

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My Joy…Their Joy

What brings you joy, ultimately brings joy to others. ~ Dr. Angi K. Orobko

Most often, I find when I am doing what I really enjoy, I bring joy to others, whether it is in my art, in my writing, in my teaching or in my creative life coaching practice. My enthusiasm and joy radiates from me to others. Guess what? Your passion and enthusiasm will shine through in those things that you honestly love to do! Really!

Your PASSION and ENTHUSIASM will shine THROUGH…
in ALL those ACTIVITIES that  you really LOVE to DO!

It is a joy to watch someone truly get into his or her groove, no matter what the task, job or activity. It is a lift to be around people who love their jobs from your local grocery cashier, to the postal worker who delivers your mail, to the police officer who is directing traffic around an unsafe situation, to the teacher who instructs your children, to the news reporter on your local television station, and so on and so forth.

Also, if you choose to put joy in your work at hand and really appreciate it, you will get a lift from your job. It will almost feel like playtime instead of WORK. So, as we close out November, the month of gratitude, consider putting in a bit of joy and gratitude in all you do! Let us greet December as the month of the joyous and generous spirit. December is such a magical month.

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Life, Vision…ACTION: Are you the writer, director and producer of your life?

My friend, Susan Guild posed this question to me over the weekend, “Are you the writer, director and producer of your life?” This is a very provocative question. As I apply this question to my own life, I see that yes, that I have had a hand in my own life. I am writing my life story; I am directing my life and I am producing my life. I also see, that I cannot live my life without love and support of God, my family, friends, colleagues and community.

That being said, I am empowered to choose how I want to live my life, how I want to feel and what I want to do. I get to choose how I will react and not react. I get to choose how I will act and behave; furthermore, God gave me this gift of choice.

With each day I am given, I get to decide how I will live my day. I choose to live it with love and gratitude in my heart. Some days are easier than others; and, I rejoice that each day is different. As the writer of my life, I get to outline my time and direct it to how I wish to spend my day. I do better when I have a visual tool; so, I keep a calendar handy and I create a concept map. Tomorrow I will share my concept map with you. So, are you the writer, director and producer of your life?

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Choose Joy

Joy is a choice; it is doing what you love most! ~ Dr. Angela Kowitz Orobko

Joy…expressed with a smile and felt in the heart. It is an elusive feeling for many, but why? Joy is a CHOICE! That’s right! It is a choice.

How? you ask. Look at your current situation. How do you feel about it? Why do you feel that way? Can you see other ways of looking at your situation? Do you see opportunities for joy in it?

For example, if you lost your current job, which for many, heck for most, can be devastating…but for those who choose to see joy in any situation sees an opportunity to finally look for a career they really love. Do you see how joy can work its way into your life if you so choose? I certainly hope so. It is my desire and prayer that you do. With joy, may you be blessed!

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Work in Progress

Life is always a work in progress; one that we get to enjoy or not because the choice is up to us. ~ Dr. Angela Kowitz Orobko

We are the creators of our lives by the choices we make or do not make. It is one that never really reaches completion as each day gives us new decisions to make. Certainly, there may be many steps in it that we can complete; but, ultimately, we are always evolving into the next thing or preparing for the next event or project.

Every moment in time permits us to grow and develop as we experience life and allow ourselves to see the value and lesson  in every word, action and/or event in our lives. It is a choice we can make at any given moment. We get to decide how to act and react to words and events in our lives. Joy comes when we choose positive actions as positive action attracts positive energy. The more you give the more you receive.

Try it. Genuinely smile at someone the next chance you get and make positive eye contact . See what happens in return. Pay someone a compliment and see what happens next. Choose to make a difference and make someone’s day. Refrain from a life of indifference and apathy. Choose to care. See what happens. Life is a work in progress. You can enjoy it more when you choose wisely.

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Value of Wisdom…

She (wisdom) is a tree of life to those who grasp her, and one is happy who holds her fast.

Proverbs 2:18

As people grasp and hold onto wisdom, the tree and foundation of life, they will find themselves happy. Wisdom comes from clarity and comprehension of all the activities and events in our lives. The challenging part is recognizing the wisdom that comes from trying to comprehend the events in our lives. Some lessons in life are either too complicated or so simple that we often miss the wisdom from them. Keeping our hearts and our minds open to seeing things differently will permit us to have clarity.

For every given moment in our lives, we have been given the power of choice. We can choose action or inaction. Through reflection we can see consequences and rewards for every choice we make. When our choices promote love and kindness, the echoes of these positive choices are endless. So are the echoes of indignation and negative choices. A chain of events will be set in motion. Whether it will be a positive chain or negative chain depends on our choices and our reflection of the wisdom we gain from the events in our lives.

There are so many choices we make daily. Most decisions we do not even think about. Consider and truly reflect upon all the choices we make every day. Will you choose to interact with others and the world in a positive or negative way? Will you smile more? Will you worry about things for which you have no control? Will you use your money on something that will give you immediate gratification; or, will you share it toward a worthy cause? Will you share your time with others, use it productively, or waste it on something frivolous? Will you use paper or plastic bags at the grocery store; or, will you have the foresight to bring reusable bags with you? Will you reuse items in your household that you would normally toss into the garbage and give them a new purpose? Perhaps if we reflect more on each choice, we may gain more wisdom.

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ConTroll

CON-TROLL, each of us have dealt with it. Don’t let IT get the best of  you.

He who angers you, controls you! In fact, anyone that you allow to evoke an emotional response from you, controls you! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you intellectually know this, but emotionally you are in a stir. And, you want to know how to disengage the negative emotions. How can you address or prevent others from upsetting your balance and evoking the negative energy in you? Great question.

First, you can consider the source. Seriously look at the person who is basically talking at you because he or she are not respecting you enough to engage in a conversation. They are either looking for a reaction, or, they are passing the buck. They are venting on you, all the pent-up negative energy they had absorbed from their experiences throughout the day or longer. Who are you allowing to anger you or trigger an emotional reaction or response from you? Who is this person, really? Is that person a supervisor, a peer, a co-worker, a family member or a friend? When possible, write down absolutely everything that this person has done to upset you on a scrap piece of paper. And then release that energy by setting that scrap paper aside for at least an hour. 

Second, consider the relationship you have with this person. This is the transformational part of handling the negative emotions to create the shift of control back into your hands. How much time and/or feelings have you invested with the person who is upsetting your balance? What is your vested interest in the relationship? What is it worth to you to maintain this relationship? After you have had some to reflect on these questions, go back and revisit that paper you set aside earlier. See what you can do to transform each statement into something positive about this person. Consider how this person has affected  your life in a positive way. What qualities does this person have that you appreciate? If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing, even if he or she is simply a catalyst on your transformation to becoming more resilient. 

Think about this statement: It takes less effort to pull someone down than to pull someone up. So, how can you strengthen your resolve? How about bringing others up to your level instead of allowing them to pull you down to their energy level. In that very moment when you are engaged in a situation, where you could potentially be brought into the negative energy, can you step outside yourself and the situation such that you can gain a new perspective? Can you see the bigger picture? Is it possible to rephrase your antagonist’s words into something positive? Believe it or not, you do have a choice to either give into negative emotions or positive ones.

There are many questions you can always ask yourself such as: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? What can I laugh about this situation in my life? And, who gets to control my emotions, me or others? You picked the former, right? Of course you did, because you know that you get to choose how you want to feel. Don’t let others take away your joy. Instead, be the joy for others. Be in control (of the Con-Troll).

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Whelm

Yes, WHELM is a word that does exist; not just in overwhelm. According to Merriam-Webster’s On-line Dictionary (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/whelm), whelm is (1) to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down usually to cover something that is to cover or engulf completely with usually disastrous effect; (2) to be overcome in thought or feeling as in overwhelm  (whelmed with a rush of joy — G. A. Wagner) ; (3) to pass or go over something to bury or submerge it.  A sample sentence using whelm is: The news so whelmed them that they were stunned into silence.

Whelm does not have to be as negative as when one thinks of overwhelm; however, to be overcome with thought and feelings can put one in a place of inaction. Transforming this whelm into action is key to moving forward. Examine the whelm and reflect upon it. What feelings and thoughts are putting you into whelm? Sometimes, it is just not knowing where to start. Write it ALL down either on paper, on an electronic device or even verbalize it by stating something like, “I feel like a zillion things are going on; I have to do this, that and the other, there is not enough time in my day to complete this, that, and the other, etc”.

Try to narrow that whelm down into doable thoughts and feelings that you can address at this very moment, like right now. A great way to look at whelm is to doodle them. Draw little sketches of those things that are putting you into whelm. Label each doodle or sketch, use thought bubbles, and allow those things that bring you whelm become things that are lighthearted and fun. Then reflect on why those things are putting you into whelm.

Let’s do a bit of a mind shift. Consider this, can you break each of these down and compartmentalize or box them? Now, just take one box at a time as if it were a gift, a gift that you can both handle and enjoy in this present moment because each of these gifts will gradually take you out of whelm and put you in a place called accomplishment, success and joy. Let whelm put you in a place of action not inaction. Do you see that you do have choice and control of how you address whelm?

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