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Posts tagged ‘Choices’

ConTroll

CON-TROLL, each of us have dealt with it. Don’t let IT get the best of  you.

He who angers you, controls you! In fact, anyone that you allow to evoke an emotional response from you, controls you! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you intellectually know this, but emotionally you are in a stir. And, you want to know how to disengage the negative emotions. How can you address or prevent others from upsetting your balance and evoking the negative energy in you? Great question.

First, you can consider the source. Seriously look at the person who is basically talking at you because he or she are not respecting you enough to engage in a conversation. They are either looking for a reaction, or, they are passing the buck. They are venting on you, all the pent-up negative energy they had absorbed from their experiences throughout the day or longer. Who are you allowing to anger you or trigger an emotional reaction or response from you? Who is this person, really? Is that person a supervisor, a peer, a co-worker, a family member or a friend? When possible, write down absolutely everything that this person has done to upset you on a scrap piece of paper. And then release that energy by setting that scrap paper aside for at least an hour. 

Second, consider the relationship you have with this person. This is the transformational part of handling the negative emotions to create the shift of control back into your hands. How much time and/or feelings have you invested with the person who is upsetting your balance? What is your vested interest in the relationship? What is it worth to you to maintain this relationship? After you have had some to reflect on these questions, go back and revisit that paper you set aside earlier. See what you can do to transform each statement into something positive about this person. Consider how this person has affected  your life in a positive way. What qualities does this person have that you appreciate? If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing, even if he or she is simply a catalyst on your transformation to becoming more resilient. 

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Think about this statement: It takes less effort to pull someone down than to pull someone up. So, how can you strengthen your resolve? How about bringing others up to your level instead of allowing them to pull you down to their energy level. In that very moment when you are engaged in a situation, where you could potentially be brought into the negative energy, can you step outside yourself and the situation such that you can gain a new perspective? Can you see the bigger picture? Is it possible to rephrase your antagonist’s words into something positive? Believe it or not, you do have a choice to either give into negative emotions or positive ones.

There are many questions you can always ask yourself such as: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? What can I laugh about this situation in my life? And, who gets to control my emotions, me or others? You picked the former, right? Of course you did, because you know that you get to choose how you want to feel. Don’t let others take away your joy. Instead, be the joy for others. Be in control (of the Con-Troll).

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Choice

A person always has a choice in anything, whether one chooses to see it that way or not. Choice is defined as a thought process of judging the merits, worthiness or quality of multiple options and selecting one of them. Funny thing is that every person always has at least two choices: to act or not to act on any given issue or situation. The challenge lies in seeing the choices when one is feeling stuck. Other challenges with choices include having to make a hasty decision and fear of making a choice because of possible unpleasant outcomes.

How can one work through the challenges surrounding choices? One obvious solution is for a person to choose, select, decide or opt NOT to choose, select, decide or opt at that given moment. A person has the choice to sit with his or her selections in order to weigh his or her options until he or she can make the best choice for his or her situation.

How does a person find more choices? An individual will need to take a broad look and view his or her situation from a different perspective in order to see more choices. It is only then these selections become apparent. Case in point, one is challenged with a new policy at work with which he or she does not agree. Most would see as having no choice.

There are actually multiple choices presented here: 1) comply with the new policy; 2) ignore the policy, apologize and face the consequence; 3) speak with the policy-makers and see if the policy can be amended; 4) seek supporters against the policy and file a petition; 5) seek new employment and resign with a two weeks notice. After stepping away from the issue or challenge where one feels he or she has no choice, many apparent options begin to emerge and present themselves when one uses his or her objective lens.

Sometimes a person just needs to have faith that he or she will be making the right decision. One needs to face his or her fear of the outcome, take the plunge and make a choice. Examining the worst case scenario and deciding that it is not so bad after all can be an excellent way to decide and choose. Now, consider the choices presented here on the topic of choice. The choice is up to the reader. 

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Education, Inspiration, Intention, Life

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