ConTroll

CON-TROLL, each of us have dealt with it. Don’t let IT get the best of  you.

He who angers you, controls you! In fact, anyone that you allow to evoke an emotional response from you, controls you! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you intellectually know this, but emotionally you are in a stir. And, you want to know how to disengage the negative emotions. How can you address or prevent others from upsetting your balance and evoking the negative energy in you? Great question.

First, you can consider the source. Seriously look at the person who is basically talking at you because he or she are not respecting you enough to engage in a conversation. They are either looking for a reaction, or, they are passing the buck. They are venting on you, all the pent-up negative energy they had absorbed from their experiences throughout the day or longer. Who are you allowing to anger you or trigger an emotional reaction or response from you? Who is this person, really? Is that person a supervisor, a peer, a co-worker, a family member or a friend? When possible, write down absolutely everything that this person has done to upset you on a scrap piece of paper. And then release that energy by setting that scrap paper aside for at least an hour. 

Second, consider the relationship you have with this person. This is the transformational part of handling the negative emotions to create the shift of control back into your hands. How much time and/or feelings have you invested with the person who is upsetting your balance? What is your vested interest in the relationship? What is it worth to you to maintain this relationship? After you have had some to reflect on these questions, go back and revisit that paper you set aside earlier. See what you can do to transform each statement into something positive about this person. Consider how this person has affected  your life in a positive way. What qualities does this person have that you appreciate? If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing, even if he or she is simply a catalyst on your transformation to becoming more resilient. 

Think about this statement: It takes less effort to pull someone down than to pull someone up. So, how can you strengthen your resolve? How about bringing others up to your level instead of allowing them to pull you down to their energy level. In that very moment when you are engaged in a situation, where you could potentially be brought into the negative energy, can you step outside yourself and the situation such that you can gain a new perspective? Can you see the bigger picture? Is it possible to rephrase your antagonist’s words into something positive? Believe it or not, you do have a choice to either give into negative emotions or positive ones.

There are many questions you can always ask yourself such as: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? What can I laugh about this situation in my life? And, who gets to control my emotions, me or others? You picked the former, right? Of course you did, because you know that you get to choose how you want to feel. Don’t let others take away your joy. Instead, be the joy for others. Be in control (of the Con-Troll).

Related articles

• Balance (akissofbliss.wordpress.com)
• What Are Emotional Triggers? (1personresponsible.com)
• Shift Your Focus on Something that Best Works for You!! (bucketlistchallenges.com)
• Equanimity: Calmness in the midst of Chaos (drschiffman.wordpress.com)
• Optimism And Healing (springwolf.net)
• Transitions (akissofbliss.wordpress.com)
• Confession booth (ta7ssel.wordpress.com)
• Really, Am I Responsible For My Emotions? (r2blog.com)
• Seeing is the gift (greatitudes.com)

Whelm

Yes, WHELM is a word that does exist; not just in overwhelm. According to Merriam-Webster’s On-line Dictionary (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/whelm), whelm is (1) to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down usually to cover something that is to cover or engulf completely with usually disastrous effect; (2) to be overcome in thought or feeling as in overwhelm  (whelmed with a rush of joy — G. A. Wagner) ; (3) to pass or go over something to bury or submerge it.  A sample sentence using whelm is: The news so whelmed them that they were stunned into silence.

Whelm does not have to be as negative as when one thinks of overwhelm; however, to be overcome with thought and feelings can put one in a place of inaction. Transforming this whelm into action is key to moving forward. Examine the whelm and reflect upon it. What feelings and thoughts are putting you into whelm? Sometimes, it is just not knowing where to start. Write it ALL down either on paper, on an electronic device or even verbalize it by stating something like, “I feel like a zillion things are going on; I have to do this, that and the other, there is not enough time in my day to complete this, that, and the other, etc”.

Try to narrow that whelm down into doable thoughts and feelings that you can address at this very moment, like right now. A great way to look at whelm is to doodle them. Draw little sketches of those things that are putting you into whelm. Label each doodle or sketch, use thought bubbles, and allow those things that bring you whelm become things that are lighthearted and fun. Then reflect on why those things are putting you into whelm.

Let’s do a bit of a mind shift. Consider this, can you break each of these down and compartmentalize or box them? Now, just take one box at a time as if it were a gift, a gift that you can both handle and enjoy in this present moment because each of these gifts will gradually take you out of whelm and put you in a place called accomplishment, success and joy. Let whelm put you in a place of action not inaction. Do you see that you do have choice and control of how you address whelm?

Related articles

• The Whelming Process (emmiemears.com)