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Posts tagged ‘Emotion’

Love is a Fire…

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Joan Crawford stated, “Love is a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.”

I beg to differ. While I believe love to be a powerful emotion not unlike fire, I also believe we have a choice, where emotions are concerned. Yes, it takes a certain amount of self-discipline to not get caught up in our stronger emotions, but we are most certainly the captain of our own hearts. In February of last year I went into detail about 3 types of love (agape, philia and eros). Agape love is the purest and unconditional form of love.

Agape love would never burn down your house; however, conditional love does have the potential to hurt your partner, your family and yourself. Love with attachment to characteristics, physical traits, events and other circumstances is seemingly destined to “burn down your house”. The good news is that all you need to do is to make a mind shift and change your perspective. Love and appreciate yourself and your loved ones for who they are. Let go of the conditions and release the circumstances, which are temporary.

When you are disappointed or upset with yourself or your loved ones, examine carefully why you feel that way. In the grander scheme of life, does the circumstance of that moment really matter. So what, you or your loved one made a poor decision, or did something seemingly embarrassing, or fill-in-the-blank… when you truly love yourself and family unconditionally, the hiccups, mistakes, embarrassments, obstacles do not matter. Your house does not have to burn down. Open up your heart and communication with your loved ones. When you are ready to forgive the momentary lapse of reasons (your own as well as others), you will feel a huge uplifting. You will breathe easier and find joy.

Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Let me add my own quote, “Love is a light that ignites the hearts of others while maintaining a spark in your own.” When you can say, “I love you” to others and truly mean it without conditions and attachments, you WILL feel joy. It give me great delight to express my love to each person who reads my article today. I deeply appreciate and love you! Happy New Year and Happy New Life!

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Stay Positive!

Even with the best of plans and intentions, things may go wrong. That is when we most need to stay positive. ~ Dr. Angi K. Orobko

You can only control how you will act and react to your circumstances. I am a co-chairperson to a library charity event that is coming to fruition tomorrow and Sunday. I carefully laid out a timeline and contacted everyone I needed to contact, getting confirmations and clarity. Unfortunately, a few challenges presented themselves yesterday and today. One involved a community announcement in the newspaper, which as abbreviated to the point of misleading the public to where the our library charity event will take place.

This morning, we were challenged by the weather. The rain made it difficult to set up our tent. We were, also suppose to get 7 to 8 tables for our event. The coordinators involved in getting us tables had documented that we only needed 3. This came as a surprise to me. I had to stay positive so we could work through this challenge. Between the coordinators and my team of wonderful volunteers, we came up an amicable solution. Stay positive and not blaming anyone helped to eliminate this challenge.

Attitude is everything when faced with negative situation. Keeping level-headed and positive allowed everyone involved to think clearly to co-create a solution. Negative emotions would have only muddled the situation dispensing energies that could have otherwise been put to good use. This morning, I had to remind myself, that the situation was beyond my control, but my reaction to it is not. I asked myself, what will get me more tables, smiles or frowns? Smiles won.

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Is Yours Worth Catching?

Nothing invites more positive attention than a great attitude along with a captivating smile! ~ Dr. Angela Kowitz Orobko

Attitudes are truly contagious. I make an effort to keep my attitude positive especially in the face of negativity, challenges and emotional vampires (people who literally exhaust you emotionally). When I continue to share love and kindness in all my actions with no expectation of anything in return, I ultimately feel better. My energy level is higher.

Have you seen this in your own experiences? Go into any situation with a positive attitude and you will feel great afterward. It is a double blessing when you receive a winning outcome, especially if the others involved come out of it with a positive attitude. This builds positive relationships with people.

On the flip side, when you go into a situation with anger or another negative attitude, most likely you will infect others. They will be negative right back at you. That would benefit no one! Nothing invites more positive attention than a great attitude. Awareness is key; keep your attitude in check. Remember, attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

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We Are All Someone Special

By letting go of the belief that I am nobody special, I have found more love and joy in my life. ~ Dr. Angela Kowitz Orobko

It is in those times when we feel that we are nobody special or that we are simply not good enough that negative feelings creep in to bring down our self-esteem and cloud over our positive energies. Some time ago, I came to realize that no matter who I am or what I do or whatever happens to me, the sun will still shine for me, no matter what. The birds will still sing and the wind will still blow. And, as long as I believe, God still loves me! I just need to be open to receive.

God’s love is in so many things and is in so many people. All we need to do is open our eyes and truly see all our blessings. My life is not perfect (no one has a perfect life), but I am grateful for all the love and blessings I have in my life. Today, I had a bit of a setback that I could have allowed to bother me to cause angst, worry and other negative feelings; however, upon a moment of reflection I know in my heart that these negative emotions are not going to make the latest challenge go away. Positive attracts positive. So, I resolved to give my worries to God and focus on the positive. I can only take care of me in the moment, from one thought to the next and one action to another.

Challenges are best met with a clear head and happy heart where we can come up with creative solutions. It also allows us to see that it is not the end of the world and there are positive options to every negative situation. The sun will continue to shine and the birds will continue to sing. I will ultimately come out just fine from this setback because I believe I can and because I am more than good enough to manifest a solution. I am someone special and so are you!

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Reaction…Let’s Keep it Positive

We can choose how to react. No one can make you feel anything you do not choose to feel. ~ Dr. Angela Kowitz Orobko

Even in the face of negative actions and verbose, we can choose how to react; however, reacting positively takes discipline. It takes practice of mentally rehearsing the following: “This action or words are not personal. It is not about me (my character); it is about them. What they said or did has nothing to do with me personally; it has to do with what is going on with them and/or how they choose to react.”

One of the keys to joy and happiness is consciously choosing joy even in the face of negative situations. There are so many examples you can mentally rehearse around, for instance: The store ran out of a product that I wanted or perhaps even needed. We can react with disappointment, blame and anger; or, we can choose to stay positive and discuss a solution with the store attendant or manager. What are the alternatives? How can I make this lemon into pie?

Consider that example from the negative point of view: We get reactive and blame the store attendant, which may lead to anger and a heated exchange of insult and negative language. Does this reaction get you what you needed from the store? Of course, NOT! It just leads to high stress levels and negative impressions. Pursuing the matter from a more positive angle may not always get you to a solution, but you will feel better, more joyful and less stressed. Right?

Road rage is one of those reactions most would like not to admit. This usually occurs when we are in a hurry and need to be somewhere at a specific time. Consider the following: “We are where we need to be, always!” If traffic is holding us up, there is a reason for it. It is not the fault of the other drivers. If another car cuts you off or didn’t see you because he or she is using their mobile phone, be grateful that you were able to prevent an accident. Bless the other driver that he or she make to their destination without causing injury to themselves and others. And breathe. Getting angry will not get you anywhere faster. It only raises your blood pressure. Right?

Consider every situation in your life that has brought ill-feelings. What alternative ways/feelings could you have chosen? Learn from these experiences, as each moment in our lives are opportunities for growth and development.

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ConTroll

CON-TROLL, each of us have dealt with it. Don’t let IT get the best of  you.

He who angers you, controls you! In fact, anyone that you allow to evoke an emotional response from you, controls you! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you intellectually know this, but emotionally you are in a stir. And, you want to know how to disengage the negative emotions. How can you address or prevent others from upsetting your balance and evoking the negative energy in you? Great question.

First, you can consider the source. Seriously look at the person who is basically talking at you because he or she are not respecting you enough to engage in a conversation. They are either looking for a reaction, or, they are passing the buck. They are venting on you, all the pent-up negative energy they had absorbed from their experiences throughout the day or longer. Who are you allowing to anger you or trigger an emotional reaction or response from you? Who is this person, really? Is that person a supervisor, a peer, a co-worker, a family member or a friend? When possible, write down absolutely everything that this person has done to upset you on a scrap piece of paper. And then release that energy by setting that scrap paper aside for at least an hour. 

Second, consider the relationship you have with this person. This is the transformational part of handling the negative emotions to create the shift of control back into your hands. How much time and/or feelings have you invested with the person who is upsetting your balance? What is your vested interest in the relationship? What is it worth to you to maintain this relationship? After you have had some to reflect on these questions, go back and revisit that paper you set aside earlier. See what you can do to transform each statement into something positive about this person. Consider how this person has affected  your life in a positive way. What qualities does this person have that you appreciate? If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing, even if he or she is simply a catalyst on your transformation to becoming more resilient. 

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Think about this statement: It takes less effort to pull someone down than to pull someone up. So, how can you strengthen your resolve? How about bringing others up to your level instead of allowing them to pull you down to their energy level. In that very moment when you are engaged in a situation, where you could potentially be brought into the negative energy, can you step outside yourself and the situation such that you can gain a new perspective? Can you see the bigger picture? Is it possible to rephrase your antagonist’s words into something positive? Believe it or not, you do have a choice to either give into negative emotions or positive ones.

There are many questions you can always ask yourself such as: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? What can I laugh about this situation in my life? And, who gets to control my emotions, me or others? You picked the former, right? Of course you did, because you know that you get to choose how you want to feel. Don’t let others take away your joy. Instead, be the joy for others. Be in control (of the Con-Troll).

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Balance

Have you ever felt off-balanced or out of sorts? Most people have. What does balance look like and how does one define balance? Balance is a state of equilibrium, where one is in a place of contentment. One can think of balance as being in a place where it is neither hot nor cold. It is warm and comfortable; it is purple, orange or green; it is maybe; it is something in between the extremes. Balance is about being in the middle. Visualize a circus performer balancing on a tight-rope and walking slowly and deliberately. That is one way of looking at balance.

How can balance be applied to one’s life or how can one get balance in his or her life? Awareness is the first step to achieving balance. Stop, look and reflect and see what might be causing the imbalance. An unexpected event can cause imbalance in one’s life, such as, a car accident or losing one’s job. How does one cope with life-altering events? Change your focus from the life-altering situation and look at the big picture. How?

The best way to change your focus and get back into balance is to ask a few questions: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? And, what can I laugh about this situation in my life? Andy Dooley has a fabulous you tube video that address how to feel good. Feeling good can equate to feeling balanced as long as one is feeling good when he or she is back in his or her routine and balanced again.

Seeing a negative situation from different perspectives can help one achieve balance. Talk to yourself as if you were looking at yourself as another person, in other words, try to be objective. Balance can be achieved when people address themselves with their given names. Self-dialogue could look something like this: (The person’s name is Joe or Mary.) “Hey, Joe/Mary, yes life is less than perfect right now, but look at the blessings in the situation… it is a blessing to meet talented people in a different field of expertise, it is a chance to learn something new, it is a blessing to see things differently; yes, it hurts right now, but now different choices and decisions can be made about the future…”

One can also achieve balance by sitting in quiet, which means take time to sit alone in silence and simply breathe slowly. Focus on the breathing. If one needs more centering and focus, then one can pray or meditate. A person can pray for balance or simply state over and over in his or her mind: “I am in balance” or ” I have balance” or “I am balance.” Ambient music or sounds of nature in the background may help to create an environment conducive to prayer and meditation. Using aromatherapy is also a great way to create a tranquil environment.

When one is in a state of overwhelm there are three things he or she can do to get balance again. First of all, one can make small movements toward the source of the overwhelm like needing to lose 50 pounds or putting together a major business proposal.  A person can take little steps; it is movement, albeit small, that will ultimately get a person to his or her big goal. These mini-goals could be like letting go of one to two pounds a week or tackling the business proposal in chunks (such as researching it or writing it in fifteen minute bites).

The second thing one can do is not get hung up on perfectly moving toward his or her major goal. It is still a movement toward his or her goal. When one is moving toward a weight loss goal, he or she need not get caught up in the minutia of having to follow a weight loss plan perfectly. If one had a lapse of judgment for a snack or meal, this does not have to sabotage the efforts one has already put into his or her weight loss progress. An individual can simply take ownership of that one mishap and make the next decision a better one. In creating a business proposal, writing something is better than writing nothing at all. One can always edit his or her work after the proposal is completed.

The third thing one can do is to create a support system or delegate some of the responsibility of that overwhelming goal. With a business proposal, one can seek others to do the research so he or she can work on the writing. With weight loss goals, one can seek a support system with others who also wish to lose weight. They can hold each other accountable, dialogue about the challenges they have had, and celebrate the small and large victories.

One of the best things an individual can do to get from a place of imbalance to balance is to do something totally different. If one is traditionally very independent and almost never communicates his or her challenges to others, then, perhaps it is due time for this person to seek guidance from an expert or counselor. If one continues to do what he or she have always done, then he or she will continue to get what he or she have always gotten (a quote adopted from Anthony Robbins and edited by Dr. Angela Kowitz Orobko). Here is an amusing thought that Albert Einstein shared, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Does this suggest many people are insane? Perhaps. 

Consider this, how can people shift their thoughts and emotions toward balance? How does it feel?

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Anticipation

Anticipation. Is it a positive or negative emotion? Well, I suppose it depends on how the word anticipation is used because anticipation generally conveys an act of looking ahead or forward with delightful expectation. Anticipation is also a visualization of a future event or state of being. This is also a benign definition. Anticipation, or being enthusiastic, is an emotion or feeling that involves delight, pleasure, excitement, but at times a small amount of anxiety (tension, worry, fearful concern, or uneasiness) can be associated with it when considering an expected  event. So, anticipation can be negative if the expected event is not necessarily desirable such as a visit to a doctor or dentist.

Let us focus on the positiveness of anticipation like a brand new year. A new year brings with it a clean slate of time, a whole 366 days unscathed with events, good or bad. Yes, 366 days instead of our standard 365 days because 2012 is a leap year. We get an extra day. That is exciting, is it not? Of course, we have to wait until February 29. Anticipation, enthusiasm, looking ahead…do those in any way take away from now? Does it take away from being in the moment? I suppose it could especially if you are anticipating something neutral or negative like a doctor’s appointment or tax day? Hey, but we get that extra day in February, right?

Looking ahead with enthusiasm can be enriching as you live in the moment because right now you can see yourself in a state of bliss doing any future event or activity as you choose, like vacationing on a beach of your choice or having your book accepted by a renowned publishing house. Do we not live in anticipation of each new moment? Or do we dread the next moment? I propose that is totally up to you. For me I look forward to each and every moment where I can choose to do and feel whatever I choose. Why not anticipate? Anticipate the joy of the next moment as you enjoy this moment…and this moment….and this moment. It does go on and on does it not?

Anticipation can be fun. I propose that even those future events in our lives that seem less positive can be visualized with joy. For example, anticipating a session with the dentist can be visualized as seeing yourself with a clean, bright smile with minimal amount of probing and prodding because you followed through everyday (hopefully after each meal and before bedtime) taking care of your teeth that is brushing and flossing with enthusiasm in anticipation of going to the dentist so your appointment would be more pleasurable. Hey, how amazing is that? Do you see how your anticipation prepares you and guides your actions? You can do things now that will influence and create your anticipated future. Happy anticipating 2012!

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