a tickle of words to create smiles

Posts tagged ‘Emotions’

Buckled Down; Higher Ground

Between yesterday and today, my family and I have moved things up from the ground level in anticipation of flooding. As you see in the picture, we elevated my dinner table and placed items on top of it. We, also secured all loose items that we had outside. I was thinking, this an interesting metaphor for life as I seek higher levels spiritually.

Furthermore, I have secured my belief in my Lord Jesus Christ and God. I have buckled down all my loose emotions like fear and grounded them in love and joy. How are you moving yourself to a higher level and securing your beliefs?

 

ConTroll

CON-TROLL, each of us have dealt with it. Don’t let IT get the best of  you.

He who angers you, controls you! In fact, anyone that you allow to evoke an emotional response from you, controls you! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you intellectually know this, but emotionally you are in a stir. And, you want to know how to disengage the negative emotions. How can you address or prevent others from upsetting your balance and evoking the negative energy in you? Great question.

First, you can consider the source. Seriously look at the person who is basically talking at you because he or she are not respecting you enough to engage in a conversation. They are either looking for a reaction, or, they are passing the buck. They are venting on you, all the pent-up negative energy they had absorbed from their experiences throughout the day or longer. Who are you allowing to anger you or trigger an emotional reaction or response from you? Who is this person, really? Is that person a supervisor, a peer, a co-worker, a family member or a friend? When possible, write down absolutely everything that this person has done to upset you on a scrap piece of paper. And then release that energy by setting that scrap paper aside for at least an hour. 

Second, consider the relationship you have with this person. This is the transformational part of handling the negative emotions to create the shift of control back into your hands. How much time and/or feelings have you invested with the person who is upsetting your balance? What is your vested interest in the relationship? What is it worth to you to maintain this relationship? After you have had some to reflect on these questions, go back and revisit that paper you set aside earlier. See what you can do to transform each statement into something positive about this person. Consider how this person has affected  your life in a positive way. What qualities does this person have that you appreciate? If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing, even if he or she is simply a catalyst on your transformation to becoming more resilient. 

emotion icon

Think about this statement: It takes less effort to pull someone down than to pull someone up. So, how can you strengthen your resolve? How about bringing others up to your level instead of allowing them to pull you down to their energy level. In that very moment when you are engaged in a situation, where you could potentially be brought into the negative energy, can you step outside yourself and the situation such that you can gain a new perspective? Can you see the bigger picture? Is it possible to rephrase your antagonist’s words into something positive? Believe it or not, you do have a choice to either give into negative emotions or positive ones.

There are many questions you can always ask yourself such as: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? What can I laugh about this situation in my life? And, who gets to control my emotions, me or others? You picked the former, right? Of course you did, because you know that you get to choose how you want to feel. Don’t let others take away your joy. Instead, be the joy for others. Be in control (of the Con-Troll).

Balance

Have you ever felt off-balanced or out of sorts? Most people have. What does balance look like and how does one define balance? Balance is a state of equilibrium, where one is in a place of contentment. One can think of balance as being in a place where it is neither hot nor cold. It is warm and comfortable; it is purple, orange or green; it is maybe; it is something in between the extremes. Balance is about being in the middle. Visualize a circus performer balancing on a tight-rope and walking slowly and deliberately. That is one way of looking at balance.

How can balance be applied to one’s life or how can one get balance in his or her life? Awareness is the first step to achieving balance. Stop, look and reflect and see what might be causing the imbalance. An unexpected event can cause imbalance in one’s life, such as, a car accident or losing one’s job. How does one cope with life-altering events? Change your focus from the life-altering situation and look at the big picture. How?

The best way to change your focus and get back into balance is to ask a few questions: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? And, what can I laugh about this situation in my life? Andy Dooley has a fabulous you tube video that address how to feel good. Feeling good can equate to feeling balanced as long as one is feeling good when he or she is back in his or her routine and balanced again.

Seeing a negative situation from different perspectives can help one achieve balance. Talk to yourself as if you were looking at yourself as another person, in other words, try to be objective. Balance can be achieved when people address themselves with their given names. Self-dialogue could look something like this: (The person’s name is Joe or Mary.) “Hey, Joe/Mary, yes life is less than perfect right now, but look at the blessings in the situation… it is a blessing to meet talented people in a different field of expertise, it is a chance to learn something new, it is a blessing to see things differently; yes, it hurts right now, but now different choices and decisions can be made about the future…”

One can also achieve balance by sitting in quiet, which means take time to sit alone in silence and simply breathe slowly. Focus on the breathing. If one needs more centering and focus, then one can pray or meditate. A person can pray for balance or simply state over and over in his or her mind: “I am in balance” or ” I have balance” or “I am balance.” Ambient music or sounds of nature in the background may help to create an environment conducive to prayer and meditation. Using aromatherapy is also a great way to create a tranquil environment.

When one is in a state of overwhelm there are three things he or she can do to get balance again. First of all, one can make small movements toward the source of the overwhelm like needing to lose 50 pounds or putting together a major business proposal.  A person can take little steps; it is movement, albeit small, that will ultimately get a person to his or her big goal. These mini-goals could be like letting go of one to two pounds a week or tackling the business proposal in chunks (such as researching it or writing it in fifteen minute bites).

The second thing one can do is not get hung up on perfectly moving toward his or her major goal. It is still a movement toward his or her goal. When one is moving toward a weight loss goal, he or she need not get caught up in the minutia of having to follow a weight loss plan perfectly. If one had a lapse of judgment for a snack or meal, this does not have to sabotage the efforts one has already put into his or her weight loss progress. An individual can simply take ownership of that one mishap and make the next decision a better one. In creating a business proposal, writing something is better than writing nothing at all. One can always edit his or her work after the proposal is completed.

The third thing one can do is to create a support system or delegate some of the responsibility of that overwhelming goal. With a business proposal, one can seek others to do the research so he or she can work on the writing. With weight loss goals, one can seek a support system with others who also wish to lose weight. They can hold each other accountable, dialogue about the challenges they have had, and celebrate the small and large victories.

One of the best things an individual can do to get from a place of imbalance to balance is to do something totally different. If one is traditionally very independent and almost never communicates his or her challenges to others, then, perhaps it is due time for this person to seek guidance from an expert or counselor. If one continues to do what he or she have always done, then he or she will continue to get what he or she have always gotten (a quote adopted from Anthony Robbins and edited by Dr. Angela Kowitz Orobko). Here is an amusing thought that Albert Einstein shared, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Does this suggest many people are insane? Perhaps. 

Consider this, how can people shift their thoughts and emotions toward balance? How does it feel?

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