ConTroll

CON-TROLL, each of us have dealt with it. Don’t let IT get the best of  you.

He who angers you, controls you! In fact, anyone that you allow to evoke an emotional response from you, controls you! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you intellectually know this, but emotionally you are in a stir. And, you want to know how to disengage the negative emotions. How can you address or prevent others from upsetting your balance and evoking the negative energy in you? Great question.

First, you can consider the source. Seriously look at the person who is basically talking at you because he or she are not respecting you enough to engage in a conversation. They are either looking for a reaction, or, they are passing the buck. They are venting on you, all the pent-up negative energy they had absorbed from their experiences throughout the day or longer. Who are you allowing to anger you or trigger an emotional reaction or response from you? Who is this person, really? Is that person a supervisor, a peer, a co-worker, a family member or a friend? When possible, write down absolutely everything that this person has done to upset you on a scrap piece of paper. And then release that energy by setting that scrap paper aside for at least an hour. 

Second, consider the relationship you have with this person. This is the transformational part of handling the negative emotions to create the shift of control back into your hands. How much time and/or feelings have you invested with the person who is upsetting your balance? What is your vested interest in the relationship? What is it worth to you to maintain this relationship? After you have had some to reflect on these questions, go back and revisit that paper you set aside earlier. See what you can do to transform each statement into something positive about this person. Consider how this person has affected  your life in a positive way. What qualities does this person have that you appreciate? If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing, even if he or she is simply a catalyst on your transformation to becoming more resilient. 

Think about this statement: It takes less effort to pull someone down than to pull someone up. So, how can you strengthen your resolve? How about bringing others up to your level instead of allowing them to pull you down to their energy level. In that very moment when you are engaged in a situation, where you could potentially be brought into the negative energy, can you step outside yourself and the situation such that you can gain a new perspective? Can you see the bigger picture? Is it possible to rephrase your antagonist’s words into something positive? Believe it or not, you do have a choice to either give into negative emotions or positive ones.

There are many questions you can always ask yourself such as: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? What can I laugh about this situation in my life? And, who gets to control my emotions, me or others? You picked the former, right? Of course you did, because you know that you get to choose how you want to feel. Don’t let others take away your joy. Instead, be the joy for others. Be in control (of the Con-Troll).

Related articles

• Balance (akissofbliss.wordpress.com)
• What Are Emotional Triggers? (1personresponsible.com)
• Shift Your Focus on Something that Best Works for You!! (bucketlistchallenges.com)
• Equanimity: Calmness in the midst of Chaos (drschiffman.wordpress.com)
• Optimism And Healing (springwolf.net)
• Transitions (akissofbliss.wordpress.com)
• Confession booth (ta7ssel.wordpress.com)
• Really, Am I Responsible For My Emotions? (r2blog.com)
• Seeing is the gift (greatitudes.com)

Transformation

Transformation is traditionally defined as a marked change, as in appearance or character usually for the better. Transformation to me is more than just change positive or otherwise. It is a completely new form of yourself (reinvented or recreated), where you cannot go back because of new awareness. It is like waking up for the first time someplace different and never being able to go back. New experiences and new information has changed your outlook and perspective. Transformation involves your spirit, your heart and soul. You can no longer can look at something the same way again because of this new awareness and knowledge.

Most of the time this can be for the good; but, sometimes it can be negative. I am not going to dwell on the negative.  When you discover something new about yourself or someone else or something else,  you come to expect it. For example, I discovered that I a new way of combining digital art with art made on paper. This awareness has transformed the way I do art. Will I go back to just scanning in my little water colors without added things? Most likely, not. Embrace transformations, as it expands you!